Friday, 14 July 2017

INTENTIONAL PARENTING 5

INTENTIONAL PARENTING 5


In my previous blog, I highlighted one of the foundational stones of intentional parenting. It is Emotional Intelligence, which in the context of parenting or working with children or minors has been understood firstly to involve a combination of competencies that allows the parent, guardian or leader to be aware of, to understand, and to be in control of their emotions, attitudes and actions. Secondly, it involves the ability to recognize and understand the emotions and behavior of children or minors and to use this knowledge to foster successful parenting and the success of the children or minors. We have understood our frame for parenting as not just being restricted to the biological parents or guardians who have children in their custody but everyone who works directly with children including institutions like Kindergartens, Schools, and Children Ministries in schools and children homes.

Emotional Intelligence according to the founding gurus involve Self Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness and Social Skills. In this blog, we will continue on the Self-Awareness and Self-Management aspects as they relate to parenting. We talked about what self-awareness, self-management is, and here we will look at what the greatest giver and teacher of life prescribed about relationships. I will get extracts from a module that I compiled entitled, Empowerment for leadership, Success and Excellence. I believe these concepts apply in any aspect of leadership, success and excellence including the aspect of parenting. Let us move on, see the best form of empowerment for parenting from the words of the best teacher, master, and coach that ever walked on earth in the name of Jesus.

This teaching is popularly known as, the Sermon on the Mount and the first part, which I would want to zero on, has found a name. One would think that the title, Beatitudes is the title that Jesus gave to this portion of teaching. I thank the person who came up with this title, it is precise and to the point and I will take it on to bring out what I am teaching in this blog. I have taken the name to simply mean, Be attitudes’, to mean the attitude one is supposed to be for effective parenting. When we talk of the beatitudes, we are talking of a crucial key that God has, which is ‘being’ in a world where everyone is focusing on ‘having’ and ‘doing’. Effective parenting starts with becoming and not having certain things or doing certain things.

The first four beatitudes (Matthew 5: 3-6) shows the attitude that one is supposed to have towards the superior perceived source of the true wisdom, in this case for parenting. If you are like me, and the King and Creator of the universe is your ultimate intelligence then we are talking about your attitude towards Him. For effective intentional parenting, your attitude is supposed to be desperation for the Lord’s ideas about parenting in his eternal Kingdom. Taking them one by one will help us understand this attitude of being totally dependent on Him for wisdom for Intentional parenting.


Poverty in spirit
The Master begins by an attitude of poverty in spirit. The amplified bible brings it out better showing us the relationship between attitude and happiness by expounding on the result, which in other versions is summarized by the word ‘blessed’.

Blessed (happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous-- with life-joy and satisfaction in God's favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the poor in spirit (the humble, who rate themselves insignificant), for theirs is the kingdom of heaven! [Matthew 5: 3-Ampl.]

If someone is to be successful, happy, to be envied and spiritually prosperous, as a parent then he or she have to realize how deprived he/ she is of the right attitude towards parenting. We have to understand that we have been robbed of the right way of seeing things and be desperate for this right way. He calls it poverty in spirit because most of us starts parenting with preconceived ideas that we have gotten from our parents. We are rich in our own eyes of what we think parenting is and if we are to learn the best way of doing it, we need to realize our depravity. The reward of such attitude is the bliss of heavenly family ideas and the inheritance of kingdom sons and daughters. This is the first aspect of emotional intelligence, which we have earlier understood as self-awareness. We need awareness of our depravity, our inner poverty of the best way  and ideas of parenting that will make us seek for it from the manual of life (bible) and the author of the manual (God) Himself.


Mourning
The second description of this attitude is mourning. Mourning differs much from crying for mourning is when one has lost something special. Crying can be just because of pain or else tears of joy. When one is in a state of having lost something special like the death of important people they mourn. In this context, Jesus is encouraging his disciples to always have the consciousness of our desperate need for the right attitude and perception from God every time. This attaches us to Him always in search for his comfort. With Him, we will always see things differently hence always receive the comfort of different parenting approaches that will wipe away tears of failed parenting.


Meekness
I always describe meekness as the attitude that says, “I can do it but God can do it better”. This acknowledges that in as much as I can figure out a lot about life and parenting in this context, God has the wisdom of this machine called man for it is He who designed it. If we are to be successful Intentional parents, we are to forsake everything that we have learnt about parenting and all the teachings that man brought about parenting that has no roots in the wisdom of God.

Meekness in other words, reads the manual to understand even though one has a general idea and familiarity about the gadget he has acquired. The Maker has come with the truth about parenting and we have to allow Him to lead and define it for us. Meekness says,

You are not what you know, what you have and what you can do but you are an unlimited and dimensionless spirit connected to the ultimate intelligence and wisdom who has made all that is and set in motion the systems that govern everything.”[Coach Tarie: The Wisdom Garden]


Hunger and Thirst
Hunger and thirst are survival instincts made by God to conscientise us and point us to any area that would need our attention.  The body needs food and water to function and was designed with an alarm system of appetite, hunger and thirst to maintain it. In the beatitude, He is describing the blessing of having an appetite for Righteousness. In this case, righteousness is simply the right way of doing things. Happy, to be envied, and spiritually prosperous-- with life-joy and satisfaction are those who are hungry and thirsty for the right way of parenting.

Have you ever wondered why the treasures of the earth are always buried in the deep and one has to dig in order to get them. The treasures in life are for those who are serious and sure that they need them, so it is with God and His special point view and special way of parenting.

In closing, Intentional Parenting style is for those who are desperately seeking it from the Ultimate Wisdom of the Maker. It takes an attitude of desperation and complete dependence on God to learn this unique parenting style that has guaranteed success. The script shows the coming of this wisdom needing a forunner in John the Baptist and describes his mission saying,

"And _he_ will go before Him in [the] spirit and power of Elijah, to turn hearts [fig., inner selves, and throughout book] of fathers to children, and disobedient [ones] to the way of thinking of righteous [ones], to make ready a people having been prepared for the Lord." [Luke 1: 17]

There is a way of thinking of the righteous and it is the path of Intentional Parenting. Are you desperate enough to get it? Revelation or insight comes to us in four different ways; schooling/ study in books, experience, deep searching or further insight in already revealed truth. It is those who are desperate for greater truths who will get deeper parenting insights.

It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out. [Prov 25:2]

In my next blog, we will look at the other aspect of emotional intelligence of self-management as we continue with the other four beatitudes and see the attitudes that we are supposed to develop in order to master skills of relating with others especially children or minors.

Coach Tarie-Pastor|Life -Entrepreneuship- Family Coach|Consultant| Leadership Trainer| |Speaker|Blogger|Author|Development Practitioner|www.coachtarie.com|coachtarie@ gmail.com|facebook/twitter/ linkedin @ Coach Tarie| +263773 301 267/ +263 712 106 415


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